Is She Going To Be O.K.?

As I write my first blog, I am nervous about what to write about. Honestly, the only thing that has been on my mind lately is my Grandma. I can’t stop to wonder if she is going to be o.k. She has been through this thing called cancer before six years ago and has beat it when the doctors gave her a year to live. She is the most positive person I have ever met. The other day we were getting ready to go to my fundraiser and I tell her to please stay home because she is in pain. Her response to me was, “I’m not going to let cancer beat me!”. Her look on life has always made me think she is going to be around forever! I never knew a person to be so positive about such a negative thing. This time is different though. She went in for surgery and the cancer was back. They found another tumor as well. She’s in a lot of pain and they are going to do a bone density test to make sure it didn’t spread to her bones.  She will have surgery this Tuesday and then she will begin radiation and chemotherapy. She will go downtown 5 days a week for 4 weeks. I would usually say that she will beat this and everything will be o.k. I want to be so positive for her, but I feel guilty that inside I know it’s worse this time and I’m so afraid of the outcome. As I type this I have a knot in my stomach. She’s not as positive anymore and she is not herself. She sleeps most of the day and night and if she is downstairs with the family she is laying down. It is heartbreaking to see someone go through this. I can’t imagine how scared she must be. I know that I have to be positive for her and continue to put a smile on my face and treat her as if nothing is wrong, because that is what she wants to do. We will continue to play our nightly games of rummy, go shopping together to spoil my son J.P and hang out in the living room to watch our programs. I will continue to put a smile on my face and continue to try to be as positive as I can around her. But, what if everything is not o.k.? My Grandma is truly my best friend. Not many people can say that. I tell my Grandma everything. My Grandma does not judge anyone and that is what I love about her. She is so accepting to her family and loves everyone no matter what. She treats everyone the same! I honestly don’t know what I will do if I lose her. I’m sure this will not be my last post about my Grandma. And until then, I will do what she will want me to do and that is to follow in her footsteps and live life to the fullest with the most positive aspect! I will follow her words that she is known to say, “Que Sera Sera”. I will remember to live by those words and know that what will be, will be!